I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
