So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Boobs are out for the taking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
