bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
