Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
