So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
