Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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