I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We need to rekindle our bromance
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
