Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
