Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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