The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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