you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
