omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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