youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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