Got a toothbrush?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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