i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think your dad took our porno
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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