did you get engaged???
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
