I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
