but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize