32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
