Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize