Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
