I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
third nipple confirmed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
