All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Panties = found
Randomize
