There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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