On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
