last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this will be a night to untag.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
