I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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