I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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