Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
