When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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