just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
