I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
