Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
