I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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