You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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