just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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