it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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