Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
