Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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