look no pants
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
