I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My life is pants optional.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
