Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
honey bunches of taint.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
