I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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