You're a womanizer and a bitch.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
