my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
