Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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