Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
