Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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