..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
