I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
