I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
