hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
