I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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