I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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