five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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