Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
