i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
