i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
