I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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