white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
