Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
