I'm gonna have a badass scar
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
