Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
